Backpaupers are born

More Oz antics............

27th-29th march

So, the 27th I left Adelaide with mixed emotions. Was looking forward to meeting up with the girls but was having a great time there with Bianca. Anyway got into Brisbane and spent the night in some shitty hostel with a bunch of backpackers, i prefer to call them back paupers because they are all pikey, smelly student types who talk bollox!! Shit room, shit sleep, shit (w)hole. Left there at sparrow's fart to catch the bus to byron bay. I was the only one on it, what a result. Met Kerry and Hollie, we are staying in a nice guest house but the birds(flying type) don't stop fucking squarking which makes sleep difficult.

Had 2 lovely days lying on the beach and messing about in the sea, it's roasting. Been running along the beach, like paradise! Had a meal indoors last night, backpauper stylie. The girls cooked carbonara and it was nice, had a couple of beers and got the peanut down.

Going to hit the town tonight for a meal and maybe a couple of cheeky beverages, who knows?! There's a wet T-shirt competiton on at cheeky monkeys, trying to convince the girls. managed to talk them into it, was pretty average although there were a couple of nice sets of bristols, nothing special. Cool bar but full of backpaupers and other pikeys. Only had a few beers, early start in the morning to leave for surfers.

30th march

An early start to catch the greyhound up the coast to surfers paradise. Good journey, 2 hrs, with a very charismatic driver who thought he was flying an airline, good commentary Brian.

Found our pad, it aint bad at all- even got an en suite. Dropped the cases and headed for the beach. Weather is OK but a bit windy, a lot windy!! Went swimming then was lying reading my book when some bastard, cunting seagull shat on me. Fucking vermin, not happy at all.

Back in the room figuring out a plan for tonight.....

Just in from a good night. Walked into town and looked in a few shops, had a pizza and then had a game of mini golf. I anihilated  the poor girls by at least 10 shots. We got some ice cream and wanderd down to the beach and had a couple of pints at the surf club, very home and away!! Napper down time, peace!!

Newquay part II

We were out and about, enjoying each others company and bonding. I have only ever been to Newquay when it's been high season and full to the rafters so it made a nice change to not have to fight to the bar every time. The shortage of women was brushed aside and the ample amount of alcohol helped smoothed the night over. We stumbled into another pub looking for some life and they had a bloody quiz on. Some of the boys fancied it and there were some hot barmaids so it was all good. Whilst the lads were concentrating on the quiz I was concentrating on the lovely barmaid who was looking after us so well. As it transpires I left with her number, happy days. We went to a couple of other bars but it was dead everywhere so I pulled the pin and decided to get an early one, i wanted to hit the surf in the morning plus i figured if i could get a head start on the snorers I may get some shut eye.

I was woken from my slumber at some ungodly hour by 2 of the lads having a snore off, it was like sleeping in a warus enclosure( I imagine). I gave both the offenders a kick and they seemed to stop, I struggled to get back to sleep though. I was up at 9 and went off to have some breakie with Dave and Chris, not before I made all the lads a cuppa- I'm good like that. I had to go to the surf hire place cos' I left one of the lads credit cards there and he was panicing. It was a blessing in disguise as the tide was out and the conditions for us learner surfers were perfect. I put the call in to the boys "surf's up dudes!!" Only a couple of the lazy fuckers turned up but it was a good mornings surf. That afternoon we all got some scoff and I had to go pack my stuff up as I was moving out of the snore palace and into a little room with ensuite facilities! Going soft in my old age. I may have had other motives too!! The others went off for another round of golf, knowing the champ wasn't about they all enjoyed it more.

That evening we RV'd once more in the bar for some vittles and a catch up. The tour had taken it's first casualty. Poor old Graeme had gone down with an extreme case of the Ertha Kitts, he couldn't be more than 2 secs from the bog. Fed and watered we headed into town to begin the boozing again. You can't tell me it isn't a small world, I was in the bar, turned around and there was Bacon. A friend of my brother's and a frequentor of Pancrase London from time to time. He was on his own so became an adopted fireman and the group was back up to 9 again. Anither crazy night ensued, loads of booze and joviality. We ended up in the club dancing the night away until 3am. I then made my way back to my hotel and had a great night there, I shall say no more.

The next morning I checked out of my room and met the boys at te surf hut, it was gloriously sunny and the surf was even better than the day before. Everyone was shattered but raring to have one last crack at riding the ocean wave. It was quite calm for periods then the sets would roll in which enabled us all to get out the back. It was hilarious trying to watch some of the boys sit on the boards let alone stand up!! By far the best of all the surfing so far though. After that it was back to the airport and reality. A great weekend was had by all, roll on next year's excursion.

Saying of the trip "I will treat you like a princess while we're out and fuck you like a whore once we're in!!" Classic.

Newquay Glorious Newquay

At about 3.30 am on a dark and dingy morning in London, 9 firemen were rising from their slumber.  It was the big one we had all been waiting all these years for. Yes, it was the Newquay trip we thought would never come. Shame the flight was at shit o'clock but it meant we got a full 3 days down the coast. We all rendezvous'd at the bar in Stanstead airport. The flight was pretty empty but spirits were high. We sat near to Connie Huq, the ex Blue Peter presenter. I didn't recognise her and thought she was a bit of a pig to be honest.

We checked into our accomodation and it was rubbish. 4 bunk beds in one small room, 1 shower, 1 shitter and 1 sink. 2 of the lads are notorious for snoring, no sleep for me then. We settled in and went for a stroll, got some breakie and went for a wander. Found a 9 hole pitch and putt course, let the games begin. I won my first round with the lowest overall score. We then matched up the 3 best golfers from each team for the play off. I won this too!! Although one of the blokes who was one of the worst in the first rnd beat my score, stewards enquiry me thinks.

After golf it was time to get to surfing"!" We found a spot and hired out our 10 ft styrafoam barges and proceeded into the water. It was high tide and the water was raging. After 5 mins 3 of us had got caught in a rip and were being dragged into a cave. We all shit ourselves and swam for all we were worth, in my panic I managed to boot Dave in the face, sorry mucker. We all survived and made it back to the beach. we surfed for a couple of hours but conditions were tough for us rookies, definately a job for low tide next time. That night we all went out to eat and then got on the hit and miss!! It was the off season so the bars were not all that busy and there was a dearth of women. we were having a ball nonetheless!! It was cool to spend some quality time outside of the stresses and strains of the workplace. 

Gotta go to work now, finish the rest tomorrow!!

I am a rich man!

I class my self as a very rich person, the ironic thing is I haven't got a lot of money. Work that one out. What makes me rich is the fact that I have the most amazing group of family and friends around me that all the money in the world could not buy. 

My family have stuck with me through thick and thin, I have never been the ideal son or brother to have ( understatement of the year award for that!) but they have always been there. When I have fucked up and need a shoulder to cry on, some moral support and TLC who do I turn to, my family. They have never judged me, thousands have, they have never turned their backs on me. The same goes for my close friends, they have helped me out no end, I try to reciprocate when I can but it's usually me being assisted. 

My point is, without wanting to sound like a visa advert, you can't buy that shit!!! You can have all the money in the world but that doesn't guarantee your happiness. You don't buy a solid group of people who care for you unconditionally, it just doesn't happen. So this is basically my way of saying thankyou to all those that have stuck with me when the going got tough. Most of them will probably never read this but it's down here in black and white and written with sincerity, I can never thankyou enough.